a mess of a dreamer
a random mix of quotes/poetry/fandoms

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I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, she eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog’s. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe thinks to herself: "Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt.
THEORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE by Blythe Baird (via aurelle)
Posted on June 17, 2014  ·  with 274454 notes · via / source
Filed under: #personal  #relevant  

*SPOILER ALLERT* Yes, the HIMYM finale was as close to reality as it gets, but how many of us were even watching the show for an accurate portrayal of real life? We were watching it for reminders that some friendships never die (the entire gang), that some people can change because of love (Barney), that sometimes you might love someone with all your heart but if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t… and that’s okay because as fairytale-romance as it sounds, The One might be waiting for you down the road (Ted). We sat through 9 seasons of this show because it gave us hope that better things would come and that life’s okay when you’ve got friends that have your back. We sat through 22 episodes that spanned over three days of story time because there was a certain sense of surety and calmness and it was a slow wrap-up to the show, maybe interspersed with an occasional new funny moment. But yes thank you finale for being the biggest disappointment I’ve ever watched by putting your characters back to square one after 9 seasons of development.

Posted on April 1, 2014  ·  with 93 notes
Filed under: #SO ANGRY  #himym  #how i met your mother  #himym spoilers  #personal  

The Moon is spinning away from Earth an
inch a year, and the Big Dipper always
points True North. It took a man a decade
to cross the world, but he found his way back.

What I am trying to tell you is that
no matter how far the Moon strays each day,
the sky still has a place for her. That you
will never be lost as long as you look
up to find the North Star. That it might take
years, but your feet will always lead you home.

So if your veins sing
with the urge to walk,
to run, to fly — do it.

You have more water in you than blood. And
all rivers run to the sea, no matter
how many times they think they’ve lost their way.

"Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost", by ironedout
Posted on March 31, 2014  ·  with 87 notes · via
Filed under: #poetry  #personal  #writings  
Introverts don’t get lonely if they don’t socialize with a lot of people, but we do get lonely if we don’t have intimate interactions on a regular basis.
I have never related to a quote more in my life than I do this one right here, right now. BAM. (via profitinyourpoetry)
Posted on February 15, 2014  ·  with 159525 notes · via / source
Filed under: #YES YES YES  #relevant  #personal  


It’s not about the kissing, holding hands, the dates, the sex, and showing off. It’s about being with someone who makes you happy in a way that no one else can. It’s about being with someone who accepts you and your weirdness. It’s about being yourself around them and they can be their self around you.

Posted on February 6, 2014  ·  with 269055 notes
Filed under: #personal  
Posted on January 19, 2014  ·  with 3089 notes · via
Filed under: #personal  

crying bc for 5 secs i stared and wondered why on earth harry was holding a banner with my name on it wtf

Posted on December 18, 2013  ·  with 4700 notes · via / source
Filed under: #personal  #one direction  


DEC. 20, 2012 

Have you ever balled up your fists so tight for so long that your knuckles got all white, your nails started digging into your palms, and you were afraid you might be drawing blood? When letting your hands slowly open up feels almost unnatural after having them so tightly wound for so long? It kind of feels like that. It’s a pain which is at once deeply frustrating and oddly self-sustaining. You feed into the anger because it comforts you, in a strange way. Because to stop being angry, to stop clenching your fists, to loosen up for a minute and let go, would mean you have to feel the actual undercurrent of your anger: your pain.

Finding out, of course, is most accurately described as an unexpected punch to the stomach. There are some people who have been taken aside and told with composure and elegance that they have been betrayed in the most profound way they could be. “I made a mistake,” the culprit might say, or, “I found someone else.” Depending on the intensity of the illicit relationship, the confession could range from the deeply apologetic to the coldly indifferent. But for those who find out because they stumbled across the evidence, or found it after frantic hours of terrified searching, the punch is strong enough to force the air entirely out of the lungs.

The searching is perhaps the worst part, the breathless moments before the floor falls out from underneath you. That precarious dangling in the purgatory where you at once want to find something — anything — to justify your gnawing suspicions, and you want to be relieved with a realization that it was all in your head. In many ways, though, once that frantic searching has begun, there is no way to be satisfied that you imagined it all. If you have been driven to the point of checking through messages or looking in pockets or asking potential witnesses, if you have allowed yourself to come to the ugly, unflattering point of invading the privacy of the person you love to prove yourself right, you have already lost.

And you know it. You know you have become what you had always condescendingly looked down upon, the couple who is as untrusting and dysfunctional as they are unable to admit it. But somehow, finding that shred of evidence or hearing the confirmation which proves you right in the worst way possible is almost a triumphant moment of victory. You have won, and you have lost everything. But for at least those few precious milliseconds of “a-ha!” you have gotten exactly what you wanted. And then comes the fall, the bottomless descent into every ugly moment of self-doubt and self-loathing in an attempt to find a justification or explanation which could never exist.

What did you do wrong? What does the other person do better? Do they smell better? Taste better? Have more interesting things to say at parties which don’t involve sarcastic, ill-timed jokes? Suddenly, everything you are is wrong, every aspect of yourself is something you want to peel off and throw on the floor behind you. And the ignorant person you were before, the one blissfully unaware of all that was happening behind a turned back, is suddenly both laughable and enviable. You cringe imagining all of the things that were happening when you weren’t looking, but wish that you could return to a moment where not knowing was a possibility. But that person — the ignorant-yet-blissful person who was only so happy to be unwittingly cheated on — was ultimately not good enough to keep your love.

And that is the real pain, the idea that there was something that was yours to keep which you were unable to hold a tight enough grip on. You delude yourself into believing that there was anything you could have done to prevent it, and yet never stop to understand that it was entirely your partner’s choice. If anyone could have stopped anything, it was your partner. Somehow, placing the blame where it truly belongs when cheated on is about as futile as feeling positively towards the “other.” At the end of the day, there is always something to find fault in within yourself, something which can be identified as the true culprit in the infidelity, instead of the beloved cheater. “If only I were thinner” somehow makes more sense than “if only he wasn’t a cheater.”

As you unclench that fist, let go of all of every minor pain you’ve kept close to your chest so as to not have to see it in its full splendor, you finally exhale. You distance yourself from the betrayal and start to believe — the way a baby bird might open its wings for the first time — that not everyone must be monitored with the distrusting cunning of a fox. You accept that you may not have been able to stop it, or that you certainly didn’t deserve it. And while there will always be a part of you which longs to look twice at the inbox of a cellphone, who can’t believe that someone can be honest for uninterrupted years at a time, it is up to all of us to push those thoughts away. “If they are going to do it,” we must say, “Ruining myself in worry and doubt will not stop them.”

a punch to the gut/the air sucked out of your lungs.

The searching is perhaps the worst part, the breathless moments before the floor falls out from underneath you.

Posted on October 30, 2013  ·  with 5 notes
Filed under: #personal  


loyalty is a two-way street/ you kill all the caterpillars then complain there are no butterflies

Posted on October 5, 2013  ·  with 2 notes
Filed under: #personal